Why am I freaking out?
I can’t even, sometimes.
I can feel a weight build in my chest as if I had just eaten an uncomfortable amount of soup and my stomach is taking up space where my lungs would like to be.
I think I know why I feel this way. I had just posted a couple of LinkedIn posts yesterday. Even though they were AI generated, it felt nice to have shared my thoughts out in the world. It had been so long, and the dopamine hit was tremendous. I was eager to do it again.
But then the dread came in, as did the metaphorical soup.
I started to think about the scrutiny that comes with sharing something in the world. There’s the positive engagement and even the constructive criticism, sure. But there’s also the mean-spirited comments. I didn’t want to have to deal with them, even if dealing with them was just simply ignoring them.
I had experienced a similar discomfort when I first started posting my photos on Instagram. I was nervous about how each of my photos were going to be received. I took note of the number of likes, getting upset when it didn’t hit a specific number (which changed depending on my mood—it was an ever-changing goal post).
Then I decided to just simply post the work and not worry about engagement. I told myself that I’m just here to create. Let the others say what they will (or stay silent).
So why shouldn’t I treat writing the same way? It’s another creative pursuit, like photography. Just write, post and be done with it, right?
Maybe it’s because I care more about writing. I’m more hard on myself when I write. So, I simply can’t just let something I write be.
Even with the work that was heavily generated by AI. I can’t just let that go. I have better taste than that. I’ll leave them out in the world—em dashes and all—but maybe I will be happier when I use AI as a glorified spell-checker, 24/7 beta reader and research tool.
I just don’t know.
Random thoughts:
- I like this post a lot. I think I will keep doing more of it.
- I guess using em dashes without spacing is a marker of AI now.
