Let’s rein in the ambition a little

No, I am not using this title as a punny reference to yesterday’s blog post image. I can see why you would think that!

I suffered a panic attack yesterday. It’s the natural conclusion to what I have put myself through the past several days — ever since I finished the Bridge to Nowhere review.

And what did I do to myself? I had set expectations.

That doesn’t seem bad, right? How am I going to get anything done if I don’t set goals and milestones to reach for?

However, I have a bad relationship with setting expectations. Traumatic even. It’s like some people’s relationship with their weight. Many of them can’t even look at a scale without reliving awful feelings of failure and shame.

I have a similarly visceral reaction when I fail to live up to my expectations. I have beaten myself up emotionally, telling myself that I’m a fuck up, and that I would never be able to live a life that I want because I can’t even do the bare minimum required to get it done.

I am not ready to put that kind of pressure on myself. I’m still working on making my writing interesting. And I am not going to put a deadline on when that will happen.