Hiking blog post update #3

I think it’s important to show what the writing process looks like well before the final product is ready.

This is the second day of drafting my article. So far so good. I added about 300 words to the first draft. That’s a lot of words. Perhaps too many. I know I can edit it down though. That’s the purpose of editing.

Before I talk about that, let’s talk about fear.

Fear

I have some common fears that pop up whenever I write. It’s always been with me, no matter how confident I am in my writing. Given how persistent it is, I think it’s worth calling them out.

I low-key freak out every time my writing goes off on a tangent. Despite the pre-work of exploring all of my thoughts, it’s inevitable that additional thoughts are born in the process of fleshing out my outline. It’s frustrating because I know a lot of these tangents aren’t good and I end up trashing them.

Granted, that is the point of writing, to thoroughly explore an idea and communicate it and the point of editing is to cut down on all the useless crap. But I can’t help but feel the tedium of knowing that what I am writing right now is just going to get scrapped.

But the alternative is worse, I think. I’ve stifled my writing for years from constantly editing myself as I wrote early drafts. I allowed my perfectionism to stop me from even trying to write. Even though I think writing out all of these tangents is a waste of my time, it’s the only way I’ll ever write anything.

I have learned to accept “wasting my time” as part of my writing process. As a result of that acceptance, I’ve learned to have fun with the weird directions my writing take me.

And that enthusiasm sort of helps with the second fear that I have, which is that I am finding myself become bored of the topic. I tend to lose interest on a writing project the more days I work on it.

I usually burn through a lot of energy to get a first draft done in one sitting to print this boredom. While effective, it isn’t sustainable. I burn out and get sick of my work. I never look at that draft again — even for editing. This leads to sub-par writing, which isn’t exactly a great motivator to keep a writing habit. I need a win sometimes, you know?

I am sure there is a way to find enjoyment in the act of writing without having to put out something I am proud of. Let me figure that out after I get this article done though, yeah?

That last paragraph would normally be written down with a great deal of anxiety. “Am I actually going to write something good?” “What if it doesn’t work out?” etcetera, etcetera...

However, I am at a point in my writing career where I feel more relief that anything. I am not as worked up over the amount of work needed to write as I used to be.

Relief

I trust the process. This wasn’t always the case. Out of all the times I have tried a writing process before, the one thing I had failed to do was be consistent. And every time I failed to be consistent, I focused on results. And when I see that nothing is happening, I give up.

I am now disciplined enough to write both a daily blog post and an entry on my physical journal. Therefore, I am confident that I will be consistent. And as long as I stay consistent, I can keep my focus on the work, not the product. That is enough to make me feel less anxious about the result of the process.

Deadlines

One additional thing I am practicing is holding myself to deadlines. I have a process, but if I left it up to myself, it would be a very slow process — probably writing a sentence a day (or less). Deadlines, even though they do add the same kind of stress that kept me away from writing, also add enough incentive for me to do even just a little bit more than the bare minimum. I have given myself until Friday to finish the hiking article. That means I have to do a little more than 50 words a day.

That said, I am not holding myself to the Friday deadline. If I miss it, I won’t kill myself over it. This is what keeps this stress from overwhelming me and making me want to give up.

The Bottom Line

I feel good about the direction that I am going — not only with my writing but with my life. I know there will be days where I won’t feel this way. In fact, I have already felt this sense of dread and failure many times just in the month of January. But I recognize my ability to bounce back from these setbacks; even more so now that I am writing down my thoughts.

I think I’ll be alright.