Nice feedback

This is the binary choice on my better days.

I received some nice feedback on a newsletter I wrote for my company today. It felt nice, of course. Writing, in any form, is something that I believe I am meant to do. So to be complemented for that is huge for me.

That said, I have this conflicting desire to downplay my abilities, to respond to positive feedback as if it’s no big deal, even as I am receiving that praise. It’s known as imposter syndrome, but I don’t relate to that phrase. I see it more as uncontrolled modesty. I know I have this ability, but I feel compelled to hide it because I was raised to stifle my pride.

Even writing that last sentence makes me feel like I’m bragging. The voices in my head are like, “He thinks he’s the shit and he’s above everyone else, so he’s showing false modesty to be liked better by people who aren’t as good as him. What a tool.”

It’s a voice that I hate to listen to. I often try to avoid it by not writing at all. But I have come to see that doesn’t get me anywhere. In order to live the life that I want, I will have to face these negative voices head on, both internal and external.

It’s the only way I can play the game. Losing is better than not trying at all.

So, I am all in.