On “Why”: Part 2

This is a stock image — not a photo of the actual playground.

I didn’t think I would have a little more to say the day after my previous post. I want to explore this topic sporadically — one a week, perhaps. I know I won’t be able to sustain this much self reflection on a daily basis.

In other words, let’s not get used to the current pacing on posts of this topic. Anyway.

I was walking on my break as I began to think about what I had written yesterday, about motivation and finding the reasons to do things. Here I was, walking through the parking lot of my business complex when, just yesterday, I didn’t feel like moving at all.

There is a school adjacent to our lot. You can’t see the kids, the fence is covered in layers of ivy, but you can hear them playing. The days are still shorter, so I listened to them laughing and giggling as the sky began to turn orange. It was a nice scene to stumble into.

I put myself in that situation. I chose to make this small effort and I took something nice from that effort. The fact that I notice this is huge for me.

There are many times when I wouldn’t find joy in the experience in itself. The motivation for this walk is to kickstart my fitness routine. I don’t plan on enjoying any of the results of that for weeks, months, or even years. I am a results-driven person; a goal oriented person. I usually ignore peripheral benefits of walks like today’s.

But here I am, writing so many words about this one, teensy, tiny event.

Maybe I am doing it to fill my daily blog quota? That certainly is why I am writing about it here instead of in my private journal. But it’s not the main reason why I thought about this. I don’t feel like I am forcing myself to talk about this.

I am doing this… for fun. That’s fucking bananas!

Oh, yeah, what does this all have to do with the “why?” of this title and previous post?

I think it’s one of these small scenes that makes life worth hearing out. I say that instead of “worth living,” for now — I am still conflicted about whether it is worth living. I have an ambivalent opinion of life as it stands.. But these moments at least makes the act of living tolerable.

My opinion can change, sure. I’m optimistic about it. But I’m not going to go into that here. That is more of a “how” question, anyway.