I was writing a blog post a day for the entirety of 2022. That stopped because I didn’t want to punish myself anymore :P

 
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Self-doubt is messing me up
Depression Jonar Depression Jonar

Self-doubt is messing me up

I am doubting myself again, and it is killing my mental health and threatening my productivity.

I have this idea for what I want my life to be, and the difference between that ideal and reality bums me out. It hits me harder when I am not in a good mood, causing my thoughts to spiral into all sorts of negative self-talk. It is a mindset that has robbed me of the joy of living.

I want it to stop.

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A Hike Through Peters Canyon Regional Park
Hiking Jonar Hiking Jonar

A Hike Through Peters Canyon Regional Park

I drove to Peters Canyon Regional Park on a Friday evening. The day was hot, but cooling down. This was nice, because the last thing I needed was to pass out from heat stroke (something I am cognizant of after some mishaps last year). It was also halfway between my home and my work, so I could wait out traffic. I suppose it is a perk of living here. I guess.

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No pressure
Thoughts Jonar Thoughts Jonar

No pressure

I used to be miserable if a project took more than a sitting to finish. I relied on the high I got from finishing a blog, story, or poem to get me to the project. When that dopamine hit didn’t happen frequently enough, I’d stop doing the thing and watch clips on YouTube. I wouldn’t get back to the project for weeks or months — if I didn’t abandon it entirely.

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This is a filler post, and that’s okay
Thoughts Jonar Thoughts Jonar

This is a filler post, and that’s okay

I really want to post about ones of these hikes tonight. I don’t want to force myself, however. Though I have the energy, if I push myself, I will burn out and won’t write for a while. If I sat out for a day or two, I’ll bounce back quicker and would probably have both posts out sooner.

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